Dear Scurred Drivers

Dear Scurred Drivers,

I know you are scurred. Don’t be. Everything is going to be OK, just take a deep breath. Feeling better? Good, I’m glad. Hopefully some of your fear (or furr) has subsided and perhaps, if I am lucky, your elbows are no longer locked in position with your hands firmly grasping the wheel at 10 and 2. Now listen up, because we are about to have some words…
Question: Would you causally step on a treadmill going at max speed? Oh, you wouldn’t? That’s interesting, that’s fucking interesting, then why do you think its perfectly fine to enter the highway at forty effing miles per hour? I know those on-ramps are tricky, with their slight curves and such, but I believe in you. I mean, think about, even the slowest people on the road are still going at least 20 mph faster than you are. You really think entering the highway at that speed is safe??? But apparently you DO think its safe having people slam on their brakes or abruptly changes lanes to avoiding crashing into you. You are the one going slower so how could you possibly be in the wrong?! And do you even know how to use your rear view mirror, or are you so stricken with fear when you are behind the wheel you can only focus on the cars in front of you? It seems like the latter is true, because you fail to notice the 10 car pile up behind you when you are going 65 in the passing lane. Uhhhhhh, it’s called the passing lane and you ain’t going to passing shit at that speed my friend, so get the EFF out of my lane! You know when someone is riding up your ass on the highway they aren’t doing for just shits and giggles; they’re doing it because you are driving where you don’t belong. You belong in the right lanes, so say something like, "This jerk just keeps tailing me, wah wah wah, blah blah blah" put your pacifier back in your mouth, slow down more, change lanes as slow as you possibly can and just go to your home.
And one more thing, going through that yellow light was MY decision to make, NOT yours! I almost rear-ended you because you are such a fucking pussy driving. Whoa, I better call it quits before I say something I’ll regret…I want to murder you. Damn. Well, I’m glad we had this talk, see you out there.

Sincerely,

The Dentist
A Concerned Citizen